I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
