yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
