My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
