a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize