I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
last night I used snow as a chaser
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize