OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
