you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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