Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
