Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
