I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
