I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How's work?
Spinning.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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