Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Welp...herpes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We need to get me chipped asap
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
