You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
