yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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