I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
