just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
