End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
