i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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