Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
