halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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