Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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