She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
