i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
