Do you still have your period?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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