Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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