I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
