you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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