As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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