I skipped work to stalk him.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
