I can tuck mytits in my pants
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
