We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
