That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
