Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
