I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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