I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I need moral support for this bender
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
