i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
