I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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