I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
