Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize