Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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