oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
its not stalking. its research.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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