Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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