i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
