its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
