It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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