Ambien. No doubt about it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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