You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i came on her dog
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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