Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
