I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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