So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
