apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
