So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
