If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
