I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
