I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
