i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
