Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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