why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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