FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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