im so drunk with asians
where?
always
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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