i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I lost the right to judge tonight
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
