She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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