My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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