very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
