I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
