So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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