now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
