I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
